Anxiety

My dialysis has been going pretty well lately; however, I have been having a lot of anxiety.  It's not about anything in particular.  Just this unreasonable foreboding.  I've never been a nail-biter, but lately I've managed to chew off a few.  I have medication that I take for this (as needed), but it makes me sleepy, so I don't like to take it during the day.  I've needed it to sleep at night.  Maybe I need to find a therapist again.  It has helped in the past.  I haven't had a good one since I was in Colorado.

Kidney transplant was brought up again by my doctor the other day.  This brings on additional anxiety.  Just to even be eligible for a transplant I have to lose a bunch of weight.  I have been trying, but not much is happening.  And getting stressed out about it doesn't help.  :)  Plus, the process of getting on the transplant list is not easy.  It involves multiple physical tests, including a colonoscopy, mammogram, stress test, etc.  I just don't feel up to it right now.  I don't know why, but it's overwhelming to me.  And no one really wants to talk about the down side of transplant.  I know from a friend of mine who had one that they don't always work.  Plus, the side effects of the medications can be pretty intense . . . high blood pressure, tremors, hair growth, hair falling out, overgrowth of gum tissue, increased cholesterol, damage to liver or kidney (?), kidney toxicity (?), diabetes, headaches, nausea, low blood cell count, intestinal problems, diarrhea, a rounded face, joint problems, cataracts, stomach ulcers, acne, weight gain, risk to infection, risk of parasites and fungal infections, low blood platelet count, blood clots, osteoporosis, decrease in muscle function, sensitivity to sunlight, leukemia/lymphoma, sarcoma and skin cancers.  Hmmm . . .   No wonder I'm anxious.  It's a lot to think about.  Makes dialysis seem not so bad.