A friend of mine wrote to me in response to my blog, encouraging me to ask for help when needed and to accept help when offered. I think she must know me pretty well. I've always prided myself on being independent. Acknowledging the fact that I need other people is difficult for me. I hate being a burden.
I've been told that I might need someone to drive me to and from dialysis treatments. Every person is different in how they respond. I'm hoping that I will be able to drive myself, but my mom will take me to start. I've had a few other people offer to take me if I need them. I am grateful for those people, and will need them.
The issue is a little deeper, though, than just being able to accept rides. Pretty soon, I'll be dependent on a machine to live. I've been dependent upon medication for a while, but somehow being dependent on a machine is more difficult of a concept.
I also think of the future, when I could be eligible for a transplant. Talk about needing something from someone else. I've had a couple of offers of kidneys. The process of matching will determine whether those offers can be accepted. But even accepting a perfect match will be difficult. Asking someone to go through surgery and give up an organ is a bit much.
I've had a difficult time writing tonight. I'm a bit distracted. I don't want this to be happening. I don't want to go to dialysis. I don't want to have a transplant. I don't want to have kidney disease. I don't want to spend 3-4 hours/day, three days a week hooked to a machine. I realize I don't have much of a choice. I'm just having one of those days when I wish this were all just a really bad dream and that I'd wake up soon. Unfortunately, I'm wide awake. :)
More later . . .