Sunday, March 4, 2018
My ugly arm
So I went to Publix Saturday, and I think about 1000 people stared at my arm. I hate being stared at. I hate any negative attention. Of course my arm looks like some freak accident. For those of you unfamiliar with a fistula in an arm, it begins to bulge after some years of use. I have two large swollen humps on my upper arm. They are discolored and strange-looking compared to a regular arm. I usually wear sleeveless shirts because they are more comfortable. Tight clothing can also restrict bloodflow and cause clots. I realize that this can make people uncomfortable. My fat, ugly arm sticking out of my sleeveless shirt makes people uncomfortable. Well, my arm makes me uncomfortable, physically and emotionally. You staring at my arm makes me uncomfortable. Someone sticking giant needles in it three days a week is uncomfortable. Ripping tape off of it over and over again is uncomfortable. I'm sorry that you have to look at me. I'm sorry that I'm making you wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. Unfortunately, it is the way I stay alive. I wish you understood. Maybe then you wouldn't stare. I know you can't help but notice, but you don't have to stare. I'm uncomfortable enough.